OK, I said it, I have food issues! My gosh! I have put off of posting most of the week because I have been kinda in a mood because I can put some really positive things about my workouts this week but my food is just so messed up. I have to get out of my own head and get my food thing worked out. I’m asking for help if you got it, advise, whatever the case may be….So here goes.
I want to eat like normal people. I want to be able to have a normal relationship with food. Right now I don’t. I find myself being really strong and on track 90% of the time and that 10% is what kills me. I want to have some sort of balance with my food. I would like to eat a slice of birthday cake at the parties for my family, but I don’t eat just one piece. No, I eat one piece of cake at the party and then one later on when I get home and all that is after I ate some of the batter while cooking it. I want to be able to eat at a fast food restaurant every now and then but I don’t have an “every now and then” switch.
I also attach so many emotions to food. Food is a happy thing to me. When things are going good I want a treat, when things are bad I want comfort. On Wednesday this week I just threw my hands in the air and said, “Screw this I’ll just be fat forever!” I wanted to enjoy the treats at the county fair and I did but then I felt so guilty for eating Ice Cream and a Shaved Ice and everything else I wanted.
I would love to have a relationship with food where nothing was off limits but in order to maintain in control in my diet I have to restrict most everything cause I can’t do anything just a little bit. I want lots of everything. Heaven forbid I eat one slice of pizza, nope not me, I want the whole damn pie and then I want it every single day if I give in just once.
So, I have no solutions to this problem. I want to know all the answer but I just don’t. I keep reading all the literature I can get my hands on about diet but that doesn’t really help. It basically messes my brain up even more cause there are so many different variables. Do I cut back my sugar, my fat, up my fiber or protein, and watch out for that sodium? If I gave up everything I was supposed to from all these different books I would have nothing left to eat but Green Veggies (and I don’t like those!!)
And then there are those trigger foods. I have stopped buying certain things because I can’t keep them in my house. Granola bars, no more for me. And Chips, I have to buy them one serving at a time or I can quickly make a full bag a single serving. I am just frustrated with the scale and my diet and everything in between.
ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE:
I am still totally committed to my year of weight loss. I am going to have accomplished a huge weight loss at the end of the year. I am super excited to push and see how much I can actually lose in a year without any crazy “Gastric Bypass” diets and without any gimmicks. I have done it all so far with healthy eating and exercise. I have only done 2 detoxes in this time frame and neither of those were for a number on the scale but just to try them out and I will probably do it again. I have also tried so many new food this year that I would have never put in my mouth before but I am trying to find some new veggies that I like. I have been under-successful in finding new foods but at least I tried them instead of just saying they were gross and not giving it a shot.
Sorry for the vent but this is an all-consuming problem in my brain and has been all week. I’ll get it all worked out soon but until then I just needed a minute!